[MUSIC PLAYING] Looking back now, historically, even when she was two or three, I now see that actually, she had delayed speech, and I can see that has actually perhaps not-- it was delayed speech, but that was probably the realisation that it was more muted, which can be part of the diagnosis. So that was probably they are early doors, but we didn't recognise it because we didn't know anything about it. And it wasn't until she probably she was seven that she then started to struggle to fit in and wasn't able to have a conversation in detail. She's very matter-of-fact. One that primary schools think, they're going to grow out of it. I think that's probably how we felt. And then when she started big school in September, so that would be not last September, September before, it was OK to start with. And then come February, we started getting in trouble at school. And I'm like, this isn't right. Why does she keep getting all these detentions? And that's what got the ball rolling. And then I went to the school and said, something's not right. I don't know what it is. I can't name it, but something's not right because we're getting all these attention. I think what triggered it, there was a boy at her school, who had got additional needs, much worse than what I'd seen before, and then he targeted her very much so. And he got removed from school because it was that bad. And that was the beginning, I feel, with her unravelling. School brings out all sorts of anxiety, school brings out-- because I feel I know ADHD feeds ODD, but with her, as an individual, the ODD, I'd say, is the one that we find the most challenging and what she challenges the school with because you can't medicate it. I think when we first was on the journey, the only way I could describe it when I was talking to people, it's like living with a drunk person, which is a really odd thing to say about a child, but it's you're never going to win an argument with a drunk person, ever. We've all been on nights out. We've got that one person who's gone beyond understanding why you're trying to help them. It's like that. Don't matter what you say, how you say it, they just ain't going to listen. And it's their way or the highway. It's that. And that's what it's like living with that. It wasn't right what was happening. The behaviour was just off the scale. And we knew that for her to remain at school and for us to have a settled home life, we had to explore. We didn't want to give her medicine. There's got to be somewhat of a way of helping. But we've got to a point where there was desperation. Didn't know what. If it's the medication that's going to help her be more relaxed and cope better, well, let's do it. You go through a process of grief because what you had, the person you had, you're never going to have again because that person's gone. You've now got a variation of that person. And that is the hardest thing, I think, to deal with is where do you let that go because that person's never going to come back again, because you're controlling that person with medication to make them be a better person of them. But with that, comes a watered down version of them. It started of when she was diagnosed. It was quite a trauma. And she struggled a lot with it to understand, why is it me? I don't want to be like that. So it took probably a good month to six weeks for her to feel settled that, didn't know what. This is who I am. There's nothing wrong with it. Actually, some people who've got it have gone on to do brilliant things in the world. So it's just her accepting that. But I think in one of the meltdowns and in one of the moments of weakness when perhaps she's upset or I'm upset or we're both upset, when things are fraught, and I'm like, well, where's your commitment? I'm doing all of this, and you're still doing this. And then there was a moment of clarity for me, and she said, but I am taking the tablets. You're telling me to take them, and I'm taking them because I want to change. And that was a real wake up call for me because I hadn't looked at it in that way. I hadn't accepted that, actually, she's right. She's taken all these tablets every day to try and bring her a better life. So she's doing her bit, but she can't always do it in the right way. And I think that's where the school struggles. And then when you give a tablet, you think you're going to come home. Yeah, it's going to change. She's going to be really good at school. She's going to be an A-star student Life's going to be normal again. That's what you think. That is so not what happens. That's so not the truth. It couldn't be further from the truth, to be fair. Do we feel we're any better than we was five months ago? Some days. Some days not. We're not there yet. I don't know if we're ever going to be there because the issue, I feel, her defiance, see, which is the ODD side of ADHD, that, I can't medicate. So it doesn't matter how many tablets I'll give her, I can't stop that. I've got to make allowances to be nice. Even when you're probably not feeling it, and you're really stressing, you'd think, for God's sake, why did you do that? And you've had three phone calls from the school, and then you got detention and this, that, and the other, and you really, really are beyond happy because of what's gone on, you've still got to bring it down, bring it low, and be nice and relaxed because one conversation could trigger the rest of the evening being horrendous. It's all about control. It's all about that defiance issue. You don't want a shower? She ain't getting a shower. Some days, you didn't want? Don't have a shower, then. You don't have a shower, it's up to you. But other days, you're like, no. Come on. Work hard enough. I do everything for you. You're going to do it. And it's about coaxing. It's about fighting the right battle. One thing that did come out of the family workers is whatever goes at school, goes on at school, leave it at school. I will worry about her for the rest of my life. It's never going to be easy. But I feel that I need someone to talk to sometimes, someone to offload to. And there isn't that. There is a support group, apparently, in the daytime. And I said, perhaps that's what I need because that's one thing when we-- last week, when I spoke to the vice-principal for the first time in more detail, he's got 20 years experience, and talking to him was like talking to my husband. It was like, he got it. I didn't need to say anything because he knew what I was thinking, and that is invaluable. And the other people who's around her at the school don't have that. So I feed off people like that because I need someone who just gets it. I don't have to say it. They just know what I know. And there is not that. There is not that access anywhere to anybody like that, very rare. She wants to change, and she recognises that. And I think sometimes when you're going through these processes, it's something you have to keep coming back to. You keep having to remind these people, she's a vulnerable young girl. She just wants to be happy. She just wants to fit in. And she just wants to do well at school. Just because she's got this condition that shows you a different side of her, try and think of that girl. And I won't give up. So I've got to defend her because I want her to be happy, and I want her to have a future.