[MUSIC PLAYING] When a child becomes reluctant to attend school, it might not be obvious at first what's going on. Young people can feel anxious about school for all reasons, but anxiety can be exacerbated by any number of things, such as undiagnosed learning difficulty, sensory issues, even an emotional upset outside of school, such as a bereavement. And this can lead them to want to avoid school altogether. Getting curious about what's really going on is key, as every child's situation is unique. There's no one roadmap or list of instructions. However, there are clear guiding principles for what parents and teachers can do, which experts recommend. In this film, we share some of those tips and practical ideas. Firstly, three easy pitfalls parents and carers can fall into. Tip number one, don't try to cope alone. Dealing with a child who's struggling or not wanting to go to school is not easy, and it's not something you should try to do alone. There are many families who are experiencing what you are going through. You may be able to connect with another family in a similar situation. It can help just sharing experiences and comparing notes. Tip number two, don't forcibly drag your child into school. While you may have the power to enforce this, particularly, with younger children, this approach will damage your relationship, break trust, and undermine the work you need to do together to get your child back to school. Tackling school avoidance requires small steps on a longer journey. Tip number three, manage your own emotions first. This tip is a big ask, but when a child won't go to school, it can feel overwhelming and we can tell ourselves they're doing this to us rather than remembering they need something from us. Guilt, worry, sadness, and stress can get the better of us. So put your life jacket on first by getting the support you need to be strong for your child. Self-compassion is important here. You're doing your best. And now, here are the do's. Tip number four, understand the problem. In order to know what needs to change, you need to really understand the problem from your child's point of view. If the child's apparent solution is to avoid school, what's the problem? We do this by taking time, creating space through conversation, and really listening. Younger kids may prefer to draw what they're feeling, though. Try to resist the temptation to jump in and fix things too quickly. Be curious, ask follow up questions, and show empathy. When we acknowledge how hard it is for our children, this enables them to process the emotions and work through the difficulties. And remember, when we listen to understand, it does not mean we're giving in. It's in the understanding that we find the solution. Tip number five, look for patterns. Help children to be curious about their own experience by commenting on what you notice. Something like Tuesdays are often a day when anxiety is high. Can you tell me a bit about what happens on Tuesdays at school? Or I've noticed it's really hard to get school, but once you're there, you can get through the day. Do you know what changes or what's it like when there are changes to the usual routine? Is that something you find stressful? What helps? They may well not know the answer straight away, but as you do this, they can begin to put pieces of the puzzle together in their own mind, and what felt like an overwhelming mess becomes predictable and eventually manageable. Tip number six, involve the school early on. Early intervention, getting in early when problems are small can make all the difference. So talk to the school from the very moment school anxiety or avoidance begins. The more they know, the more they can do to help. The class teacher will be the first port of call. As small tweaks and adjustments can often do the job. Things like changing seating plans, arriving early or late when it's quieter, or not being called on in class might offer a simple solution. Tip number seven, work in partnership with school. The schools are there to support you and your child, so keep the lines of communication open and keep them abreast of progress at home. Experts advise asking the child to identify a go to person at school, a teacher they trust, or a mentor to be on hand as problems arise. If the problems persist despite these adjustments, speak to the SENDCO, the Special Educational Needs and Disabilities Coordinator. Every school has one. They'll be able to look into any learning barriers that your child may have and make more formal adjustments. The SENDCO, would also be able to refer on to other professionals if it's felt more support is needed than they're able to provide. Tip number eight, keep a calm and predictable morning routine. Routines and predictability help all children, but particularly, children who are anxious. Morning pressures can be tough, causing emotions to rise. What starts as anxiety in your child can look like anger or defiance. You'll need to grit your teeth and persevere quietly. Your calm presence and composure can have a powerful impact, helping them to push through. Mornings are often a tough nut to crack, but with you alongside them, they can do it. Tip number nine, make a plan, start small, and play the long game. Getting back into school for a child who's been absent for a while needs careful planning, too much and it may overwhelm them. So make a plan and start small. Day one may be as small as getting up and putting on a school uniform. Day two making it to the front gate. Only then, might they be able to get into a classroom for a short time with a chosen topic. With each success, the child gains more confidence and what once seemed impossible is overcome. Be patient. Take the small wins. Remember, it may be a bumpy road and setbacks are expected from time to time, but with a good plan and a good team behind them, your child may be able to return to a normal routine. Tip number 10, be aware of potential trigger points. School anxiety can be up and down, so try to stay vigilant to future trigger points. For example, returning to school after a holiday break or during times of aims of academic pressures or friendship breakups. Take a moment because you may need to return to step one. So take a deep breath. Remember what worked before and try again. Thank you for watching, and good luck with it all. If you'd like more information on school avoidance and where to go for help, please look elsewhere on the Nip in the Bud website, www.nipinthebud.org.