Assistant Professor Erin Schoenfelder-Gonzalez  I’m Erin Schoenfelder-Gonzalez, and I’m going   to talk today about why children with ADHD  need different parenting strategies and also,   five keys to keep in mind when parenting a child  with ADHD. If you’re parenting a child with ADHD,   you’re probably noticing that you’re already  doing a lot more work than other parents and   you’re also probably feeling a lot more  frustrated and stressed out. That’s not   in your head. We know from the research that  parenting a child with ADHD does take a lot more. There are a couple of core reasons  why that is. Really, it comes down   to self-regulation. Kids with ADHD are not  regulating their own engine internally and   that would refer to keeping themselves on  track, checking in with themselves about,   what am I supposed to be doing?  What’s going to happen if I do A,   B or C? They’re getting more of their  self-regulation from their environment. So,   whatever’s going on around them is going to  have a big influence on how they’re behaving,   and this comes down, in part, to dopamine in the  brain. And dopamine is that reward chemical that   gives us a sense of interest and motivation and  focus. And kids with ADHD often have less dopamine   in the brain and it’s not being regulated  as consistently as it is for other people. So, that means they’re going to get  a lot of dopamine from the exciting   things, like videogames or doing something  thrilling, climbing to the top of the tree,   and they’re not going to get as much  dopamine from the everyday things,   like putting on their socks or having everything  ready to go in their backpack in the morning.   That’s going to be less interesting to them. So,  that means that if things are going around – going   on around them in their environment that are  more interesting than what they’re supposed to   be doing, they’re going to be drawn to that. This is really frustrating for parents,   because you know your child is capable.  They know what to do and how to do it,   but they’re just not doing it. They’re definitely  not doing it consistently, and that is going to   certainly come back on you as the parent to  have to do more to set them up for success. Another way we can look at it is to  use a term from Dr Russell Barkley,   one of the most well-known Researchers on ADHD,  we’ve got to “Learn to use our child’s window   on time.” And what he means by that is that we  all have, kind of, a window of attention that we   use to make decisions in the moment, and we, as  adults, we can think ahead to what’s coming up,   we can predict how things will go. We can also  think back on the last time we did this or what   we learned long ago about this activity, but  kids with ADHD have a very narrow window and   they’re going to be making decisions based  on what’s right in front of them, right? So,   if you ask your child to do something and  you’re in their window and then you leave,   they’re going to have a lot of trouble  staying focused or interested in what you   ask them to do and they’re going to be drawn  to whatever else is going on that’s exciting. So, if your child is struggling to use their  ‘window of attention’ to keep themselves on   track and make good decisions, there are  certainly some things that you can do as   a parent to support them, and I call these the  five keys to parenting a child with ADHD. Kids   with ADHD do need more. They certainly need  more from their parents than other kids do. The first key is that kids with ADHD need more  positivity, more positive feedback in their lives,   and the reason for that is that they’re  getting a lot of negative feedback. They   probably have a lot of adults who are on  their case. They’re getting more reminders,   more redirection, more corrections. They might  also be getting negative feedback from other   kids in their class or kids on their sports teams  who are getting annoyed with them or frustrated. So, as a parent, we can, kind of, amp up  our positive feedback to try to balance   out all those tough moments throughout  the day. This means that we’ve got to   look for the small things. You may be having  a really tough behaviour day with your child,   but piling on more correction and more  negative feedback is really only going to   make that spiral worse for them. If we can find  little things to praise and be positive about,   that can start to turn that cycle around. It may  mean asking them to do something simple, like,   “Pick up your socks, please.” Just breaking  down what we need them to do so that then,   we can give them positive attention for that.  “Thank you for listening the first time. Really   appreciate you jumping on that.” “Thanks for  starting to get dressed.” To keep themselves   on track because they’re not having that wide  window of attention, to keep themselves on track   they’re going to need more of that positive  feedback while they’re doing something. They   need you to help them self-regulate and  know that they’re on the right track. The second key to parenting a child with ADHD is  that they’re going to need more planning. Because   kids with ADHD are so in the moment, they’re  not planning ahead for what’s coming up. You,   as a parent, unfortunately, it’s more work, but  you can step in and help be their frontal lobe,   that part of the brain that plans  and comes up with a strategy. So,   you know by now what the situations are going  to be for your child where they struggle,   where they’re going to get distracted  and off task. You may notice it’s that   transition from the house to the car in the  morning when it’s time to go to school or go   to the bus stop. You may notice just those  last steps of getting everything they need,   finding their socks, putting their shoes  on, are going to really get them thrown off. And so, that means you can plan and  set things up in advance for them.   That mean – might mean having a box of  socks right by the shoes, by the door,   even though everybody else keeps them in the  bedroom. That might mean the night before,   having a routine with your child where they’re  going to fill their backpack with what they need   for the school day. And it might mean that when  your child’s going to enter a new situation,   like a new after school programme or a birthday  party, you’re going to have to plan ahead for what   might be difficult and prep them for that and  go over, really clearly, what the expectation   is and what the limits are and what the positive  rewards are and what the consequences might be. The third key to parenting a child  with ADHD is that they need a lot   more feedback. This ties into number one of  being more positive, also. Kids with ADHD   do need more correction. Sure you’ve noticed that  if you’re parenting a child with ADHD already,   but they are going to need feedback that’s in  the moment, in their window of attention. They’re   going to need, again, lots of self-regulatory  feedback from you to stay on track. Keeping   that dopamine flowing for them on those boring  tasks, by letting them know, “I appreciate you,   you’re doing great. Thank you. This is showing all  your positive qualities,” really naming those out. They’re also going to need feedback that’s  corrective or redirecting them in the moment. So,   rather than waiting ‘til after soccer practice to  let them know all the ways that they screwed up   and could do better next time, they’re going to  need that feedback in the moment. They’re going   to need someone to let them know, “Right now is  the time for eyes on your Coach.” They’ll need   that in advance, as well as during something like  soccer practice or an activity. So, this is more   work. It does mean you have to get in the window  of attention more often for your child and stay   there while you deliver that feedback, for it  to be meaningful and to hold their attention. The fourth key for parenting a child with  ADHD is that they do need more reward built   into their day. Again, this has to do with  dopamine. They’re not getting that natural   sense of reward from their daily activities  the way that other kids are. That means we’ve   got to dial into what is their currency?  What do they care about? What’s meaningful   and motivating to them, and how can we  help them get that throughout their day? One good way to build in more reward is to think  about all the things that are most boring and   difficult for your child and think about how  we can link that to the things that are more   rewarding, exciting and interesting for your  child. So, if they are playing videogames, their   favourite thing, and you’re going to ask them to  turn it off and do homework, you’re going to have   a big dopamine crash to deal with and probably a  lot of crankiness. But if we can swap it and say,   “I know you’re excited about videogames. When your  worksheet’s done, you can have your screentime.”   Stagger it so the rewarding thing is after the  boring thing. That’s going to keep that motivation   and that dopamine flowing for them and help them  stay focused. This also means, in the classroom,   we’re going to need to work with Teachers to make  sure they’re getting that positive feedback and   that they’re seeing a sense of reward from their  good efforts. And that can take a little extra   work, but hopefully, save everybody time in the  end by supporting your child and staying on track. The fifth key to parenting a child with  ADHD is that they’re going to need more   practice. To master a routine, they’re  going to need a lot more repetition,   doing the same thing the same way every day, for  it to become a habit. Other kids may master it a   lot sooner and while your child knows what to  do, again, they need to self-regulate in the   moment and get that environmental feedback in the  moment to stay on track with their new habits. I’m a huge fan of roleplay for kids with ADHD  and it may sound silly, or like it’s unnecessary,   but practising very simple things that are  new for them can go a long ways. For example,   we’re going over to grandma’s house. Last time,  it did not go well. My child was climbing on   the furniture, grabbing stuff that was  breakable, being rude to grandma. Today   we’re going to practice before we go over.  We’re going to talk about what to focus on,   that our goal of the visit is to talk with grandma  and spend time with grandma. We’re going to talk   about rules and expectations. What are the house  rules and what are some expected behaviours that   would be nice? Like saying, “Hi grandma,”  and looking her in the eyes when we arrive. And then, let’s actually roleplay it, and we can  have fun with that. We can make it silly. You can   use stuffed animals to be grandma, whatever it  may be. Let them be grandma and you be the kid,   and practice exactly what’s expected in  that setting. They’re going to need that   with staying organised, as well. Coming up with  ways of storing their belongings in the same   place every time and setting up their routine  so that they can start it and stay on track. I want to end by saying if you’re  parenting a child with ADHD,   you are working a lot harder, you’re  dealing with a lot more stress and   frustration. But your efforts will pay off  to set your child up for success and help   them get on a positive path through  their teen years and into adulthood.